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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in coping with anxiety/panic w/o medication's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, November 1st, 2007
9:49 pm
Something for the Ego
"I did all of this just so you could..."
If you Read my Words You will Be Reborne.
to be dark is to be rebirthed... the cycle goes around & around
i'd like to tell you about the underwater circus...

in a heart full of dust
coming around & around BBDARK

i walked in on a victim in mourning in the showers by the Levee
I held up her cut wrists and led her into the sunshine (made her in fortress of steel)
cut them up again myself
held them up to the light again

I wanted to tell you the interminable breathing vermouth silent victim..
breaking waves
banging barge
I cut the beast into a piece got God on my side Child of God
paratroopers cum on spiral sky
\ /
Sunday, October 7th, 2007
11:49 am
waking up
waking up with tremendous anxiety each day...I'm asleep and dreaming which is totally relaxed, then wake up and for a few moments the totally relaxed feeling continues, usually at this point I don't know yet where I am. Then when I start to realize where I am, and who I am, anxiety descends on me very hard and fast. It's not a particular thought of "Oh, this is what's wrong."
Speaking with a friend a few moments ago I postulated that this happens because I am so adept at dealing with potential anxiety during the day- I aim to stop any fear in its tracks as quickly as possible and do so relatively well. I think perhaps it is stored up by this mechanism. n truth, the state of my life scares me quite a bit, but I keep up a constant "everything is ok; besides there is no POINT in fear," attitude. Universally I feel that this is true, everythign IS ok and no matter what the circumstance is, being afraid isn't going to help. But it seems my body has some other ideas and I do still have real feelings circulating around the issues I think about day in and day out.
Sunday, March 11th, 2007
7:36 pm
Letting go of anxiety- for real
This is an excerpt from a longer journal entry on my private journal.  I thought maybe someone here would get what I'm saying and have some sort of encouragement for getting through it.

Here's the really funny thing though.  Not giving in to my anxiety produces secondary anxiety.  I remember this VERY clearly from being on medication.  On the one hand I felt GREAT!!!!  I was like, is this how people without anxiety and depression feel all the time.  Wow.  It's amazing.  But after the newness wore off, I felt like I'd lost a filter that was important to me, to keep me from fucking up.  Now I'm trying to will myself out of my anxiety and depression, through reshaping my thinking, letting go of my negativity, and meditation.  I just ordered some books to help with this, and I think I'm going to order a couple more.  The thing is I still feel very vulnerable.  Better, happier, and less prone to emotional temper tantrums on the inside, but with this secondary anxiety about my new way of thinking. 

If anyone has felt this or has any suggestion or just well wishes, I could use them right now.

Edit:  I think what I'm trying to get at is a) my approach seems to be working to some degree if I feel similar to where I was on meds b) I feel very ungrounded.  I was grounded in my anxiety and negatitve thought patterns.  Though it wasn't a happy place to be, it's familiar and how I've functioned my whole life.  I have not really made it to the otherside where I am grounded in a healthier set of thought patterns, instead I'm a lost or a drift between.  It's not a fun place to be either.
Wednesday, March 7th, 2007
4:12 pm
Interesting Read

At the University of Toronto, Dr. Mayberg, Zindel Segal and their colleagues first used brain imaging to measure activity in the brains of depressed adults. Some of these volunteers then received paroxetine (the generic name of the antidepressant Paxil), while others underwent 15 to 20 sessions of cognitive-behavior therapy, learning not to catastrophize. That is, they were taught to break their habit of interpreting every little setback as a calamity, as when they conclude from a lousy date that no one will ever love them.

All the patients' depression lifted, regardless of whether their brains were infused with a powerful drug or with a different way of thinking. Yet the only "drugs" that the cognitive-therapy group received were their own thoughts.

The scientists scanned their patients' brains again, expecting that the changes would be the same no matter which treatment they received, as Dr. Mayberg had found in her placebo study. But no. "We were totally dead wrong," she says. Cognitive-behavior therapy muted overactivity in the frontal cortex, the seat of reasoning, logic, analysis and higher thought. The antidepressant raised activity there. Cognitive-behavior therapy raised activity in the limbic system, the brain's emotion center. The drug lowered activity there.

I know this is an anti-med community, but I do think there are instances in which meds can be helpful or maybe necessary. However, that part of the article really makes a case against meds in my mind, for those who can learn to function without them. That the meds and CBT actually affect the mind in opposite ways. It seems if you want a long term solution CBT or meditation or mind change would be the answer.

Thought ya'll might enjoy the read.
Thursday, March 1st, 2007
7:53 am
hey guys!
Hey all, I don't know how much history I should write, but it's a novels worth so I'll keep it short. I'm currently trying to get off Edronax (reboxetine) and I really don't want to go back on meds. I've been forced to try Zoloft and Aropax (paxil) in the past and have had adverse reactions, with Aropax I ended up in E.R!

I've been on Edronax for about three months and forgot my dose one night, the next day I felt great (it's a 12 hour life med). So I didn't take it the next morning, or the next night. My doctor said if I was coping well then to keep at it but the next day was a different story - I woke up in a panic not unlike the panic I got when trying to start Aropax. It was terrible, I was stuttering and shivering and just completely overwhelmed.

I'm fairly good with coping with anxiety and panic attacks, I still get them regularly but my mental approach has improved, however this doesn't help with drug-related anxiety or panic attacks. I took my meds as soon as that happened and a couple of valium and after a few hours, came right. I was extremely depressed for the rest of the day, I'm not sure whether it was chemically to do with withdrawal, or just disappointment.

Anyway, I was on 4mg edronax twice a day, I presume no one here takes it - I'm having a lot of trouble finding people to relate with about this drug as it's fairly new here in Australia and I don't think it's available in the states. I'm cutting my night pill down to 2mg and when I handle 4mg/2mg daily, I'll start on 2mg/2mg and taper off that way. I'm handling this alright (only been doing it a day or two), tingling in my brain, quite depressed and anxious feeling in chest but not too bad. My mother recently came off a supremely high dose of Zoloft, that she has been on for well over ten years, with the aid of homeopathic medicine so I'm curious as to whether it might help me (I have trouble figuring out whether it might be psychosomatic or real!)

I'm just so bloody scared that I won't be able to cope and that I really do need these meds, which is ridiculous because I swore I'd never let myself get on meds and here I am, just wanting to get off. So I don't know, if anyone can help me with stories of their own with withdrawal from meds, dealing with depression and anxiety after coming off them. Mostly, I'd love to know of IRL support groups in Australia, something I could take myself along to - but I'm not coming up with much on the 'net. Basically, anything you can throw my way that you might think will help me.

Thanks for reading :)
Monday, January 29th, 2007
12:44 pm
New *waves*
I'm excited about hearing some ideas from anyone here with experience.

Diagnosis: Strong GAD, mild social anxiety, and don't really feel depressed which is weird

Issue:  MAJOR THESIS anxiety, and anxiety related to anything of the graduation requirement nature.  Other anxiety triggers, but none that would otherwise have just sent me back to counseling.

So I had my intake this am, and of course they recomended meds.  I REALLY REALLY don't want to go back on meds (was on lexapro for about 6-9 months).  I had a handful of side effects, and since that is supposed to be the SSRI with the least side effects, I don't want to try my luck with others.  I am going to see a psychiatrist (because it's free) to be able to get my future counselor to see that I've "explored my options".  I'm hoping I can be lucky and find one knowledable about alternative therapies, but since it's through my student health, I'm not holding my breath.

The only reason I am even slightly considering meds, is that I HAVE to get through this semester and graduate.  It would be a VERY expensive mistake not to, and would seriously inconvenience myself and my partner.

I've also made an appointment to talk to a Dean about "thesis anxiety".  She is in charge of a lady who handles test anxiety, but I'd gladly take 1,000 tests over writing a thesis.  So I'm hoping perhaps they have dealt with something similar before.

I've also called a person who runs a stress clinic for skills to manage stress.  I'm hoping this will be a fruitful way to get professional, but non-medicinal help.

I've started going to yoga again :)  And I'm eating super well, very little refined sugar, no HFCS, and all my servings of fruits and veggies.  The only lifestyle change (that I'm aware of) that could help me at this point would be excercise. 

Also I'm taking a Vit B complex, and flax seed oil, and DHA supplements.

Thanks for listening.  Now if anyone has any advice, I'd really appreciate it.  I'm in danger of not completing my degree requirements if I can't get on track in the next couple of weeks, and I know the world wouldn't end if that happened, but it would really suck since I have plenty of time to do it now.
Wednesday, January 24th, 2007
2:31 am
Major air travel anxiety?
I could've called it air plane phobia, but it's not just the plane, it's the experience--the security screening (cause there was a point where women were being touched inappropriately if they had extra), the plane, the extreme UNPREDICTABILITY, and just the whole atmosphere in an airport. Ok, and feeling trapped on a plane--really trapped. I hate that. I literally felt someone really heavy was sitting on my chest on a flight a few years ago, and my last one was not as bad because 2 relatives were with me, but I'm facing a possible trip BY MYSELF and I'm really worried about it. Statistically, I know it's safer than driving, but that doesn't make me feel any better. So how do you deal with this anxiety over flying? I can't use drugs because anything sedating will really knock me and I have 2 short (connecting) flights each way.
Saturday, October 21st, 2006
10:52 pm
New Member
Hey all - new guy here. I've been dealing with anxiety for two years now, and am about to go my first solo plane ride in a couple of weeks, and the anxiety about it is following me everywhere. When I get anxious, it mostly seems to be nausea, so I was wondering if anyone had any good advice for dealing with nausea med free. Thank you!

Current Mood: hopeful
Tuesday, June 13th, 2006
9:27 am
some ideas
Hey, I'm new to this community. Here are a few of the things I do to deal with anxiety. They don't always work perfectly, but they do help most of the time.

drink green tea...lots of it
take L-Theanine on bad days (it's an amino acid found in green tea, meant to be calming)
use Bach's Rescue Remedy
diaphragmatic breathing
read The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by E. Bourne
write in a journal

What do you do to cope?

Current Mood: hungry
Sunday, April 23rd, 2006
11:43 pm
Seeking women friends. Changes made Apr 26/06.

WHAT IS THE DREAM? I have 3 to 5 close female friends who are sister-like friends or mother-like friends or auntie-like friends. We meet one to one and maybe even in groups of 3 to 5.

WHERE DOES THE DREAM TAKE PLACE? Either all the time or mostly in the Greater Vancouver Regional District in BC, Canada.

Read more...Collapse )

Thank you for reading and may you also go for your dreams.

PS: I am posting in this community because I stay home more than going out due to health challenges or preference. I'd like to go out more often. I'm open to meeting women who are home bound or bed bound.

Take care and bye for now.

Current Mood: sore
Sunday, April 16th, 2006
2:45 am
i keep getting tension headaches. i can feel the muscle that is very tense in my neck and then it goes shooting through my head. i am usually out somewhere so i have to take ibuprofen and wait until it passes. nothing else works. i have been to a very good massage therapist. she did say i had some knots on my neck. and i know i have scar tissue on my shoulder blade (might have something to do with it...was a car accident years ago). when i mentioned it to a doctor (was there for something else) he was just like keep taking ibuprofen. these headaches have been going on for months. should i get muscle relaxers? i don't know what exactly to do. can't really dish out the money for a massage again? wonder if acpunture would work?
Monday, April 3rd, 2006
9:38 am
Have any of you tried fish oil or any other vitamen or med? I have heard fish oil works well, but I'm unsure about taking it.
Friday, February 10th, 2006
9:15 am
I had been doing really well, but recently, I can't stop the thoughts. Thoughts of suicide, thoughts of something happening to my parents and me comitting suicide or losing my mind, thoughts of getting older and how people will be dying, and what if something horrible happens to the person I marry and I have to take care of him. Like, I wouldn't be able to handle that. And what if I wound up committing suicide in my older age? Or what if I wound up in a nursing home?

I know, it all sounds ridiculous... Do any of you have crazy thoughts? And how do you control them?
Sunday, January 15th, 2006
9:08 pm
Helpful Info
Hey guys, I found these chapters on anxiety earlier today, and it's full of really good information. Check it out:

Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
6:45 am
hey can anyone suggest how to control my anxiety? and what do during a panic attack? i have drugs, no luck. i have found some natural supplements that work for me. can anyone suggust how to channel this negativity (besides meditation and exercise).
Thursday, August 11th, 2005
10:50 am
New to the Community
Hi Everyone,

My name is Erin, I'm 18 years old and a sophomore in college. I am also just coming down from a 2 hour panic attack. I've suffered from anxiety since I was 6 years old. My parents had a hard time dealing with it which I used to find strange since my mom herself had an anxiety disorder until a was in my early teens. Before I continue, let me let you into what my particular type of panic attack is like. It starts with my fear of throwing up. When I was a kid (and still today) when I tense up my stomach churns and the next thing I know I've lost lunch. When I was a child it happened at school, I was promptly made fun of for it, my mom would get angry becuase she was scared and didn't know how to help...thus blowing the act of throwing up into what I thought would be the worst thing to possibly happen. I was so ashamed everytime my panic got that out of control and I developed a deep self hatred.

When I entered 9th grade I truly lost it. I couldn't even think about school without feeling sick and ate very little. I was pretty much bedridden, living of bits of bread, milk, and water for the first 2 weeks of highschool. I tried therapy but there are no child therapists in my town, much less any specializing in anxiety. They put me on Paxil, which got me into school but made me black out and raised my heartrate dangerously. I was taken off it but still every day was hell. I ate as little as possible from fear of vomiting and pushed myself so hard I ended up fainting for the first time ever in my science class. I wanted to die. But slowly I moved forward and raised my average to all As and fell in with a group of friends who I later trusted enough to explain my situation to. They saw me puke in cars, in malls, and out on streets and yet they were always true friends. I gained confidence and found the love of my life who I can tell everything to, went to proms, graduated, and started college.

Yet I still have extreme panic attacks. Sometimes I still don't eat as much as I know I should for fear of getting sick in certain situations. Today I have to go to my college to purchase books for this semester and am terrified. I've only had a glass of chocolate milk thus far today and already dry heaved into my bathroom sink. My boyfriend is also talking about transferring to a different college next year, I'd love to go with him but it petrifies me. I plan on seeking therapy again for the first time in 4 years but refuse medication. I have an aversion to even taking tylenol unless I really truly cant stand the pain. I was to get past my fears and transfer to another college, or if I cant afford to transfer to at least be able to deal with the biggest support in my life now, my boyfriend, not being around as much. I've been reading a book call "From Panic to Power" and I think it's helping me gain confidence and know more about myself.

Wow this is an incredibly long rant...just thought I'd introduce myself. Typing this out actually helped a bit in calming my nerves.

Current Mood: anxious
Friday, July 22nd, 2005
10:32 pm
New to herbal remedies and the community
First of all, hello to everyone! I just joined the community and have been enthralled in reading everyone's introductions.

I weaned myself off Lexapro just over 2 months ago. I have dealt with depression and anxiety my entire life (i'm 32 by the way)but only began taking medication last September, as I didn't have health insurance until then.

The main reason I began weaning myself from the Lexapro was because I quit my job of over a year (the one that I had health insurance through) and I could no longer afford my prescriptions. But then after reading more about herbal remedies, I decided to go to the local health food store and start asking questions.

After being off the Lexapro for a month, my symptoms returned worse than ever. Things got to the point where i'd even black out from time to time, that's how bad the anxiety is. Not to mention the depression, which is like fighting a rabid bull.

Anyway, upon some research at the health food store, I left there with a bottle of "Happy Campers". The main ingredient in these is Kava Kava, and I have been taking two a day for a little over two weeks now. The lady at the store was correct when she said i'd notice them working in my system almost immediately. Within three hours after taking my first dosage, I could feel a sense of calmness that I hadn't felt since being on the Lexapro(30mg/day).

Since learning about herbal remedies, I've really wanted to deal with my depression and anxiety without any medication. I am very happy to have found the Happy Campers and will be taking them forever if need be. Don't get me wrong, they are NOT a replacement for the Lexapro by any means, because I still have good days and bad days. However I'm having more good ones than bad. The Lexapro did calm me down and keep me under control, but again, money wise and health wise, i'd prefer to go the herbal route.

I just wanted to give that tip out to anyone who has been suffering as I have, and would like to try an herbal remedy. Hope you have as much success with them as I'm having.

Current Mood: content
Sunday, June 19th, 2005
11:04 am
physical symptoms
Does anyone have any suggestions for medfree ways of dealing with specifically physical symptoms of anxiety? (pounding heart, chest pain, tense muscles, fatigue, etc.) I've had cognitive therapy which has helped the mental aspects of my anxiety, but the physical symptoms still remain. Do all those relaxation techniques I hear about work at all? Has anyone ever tried biofeedback?
Sunday, April 24th, 2005
5:52 am
My introduction (the whole long twitchy angsty bit of it)
So looking back on things I've been pretty anxietal my whole life. I was a miserable child and spent most of my time hiding behind books or my mother's skirts. I started out with fears of drowning, the dark, suffocating, monsters, heights, and social embarrassment. I have spent most of my life struggling to get to sleep every night as I ruminate over every tiny thing I've ever done wrong in my entire memory. I've also swung back and forth through varying levels of depression over the course of my life and have some mild history of self harming. I literally don’t remember a time of my life where my usual state wasn't fearful or depressed. Somehow through all this (and TWO psych degrees) I never realized that I wasn't just failing to deal with the same things that everyone else somehow managed to deal with. It never occurred to me that other people were not living this same self-imposed internal hell.

Cut to save your friends pages. This is the long and fiddly bit...Collapse )

I consider myself a pretty strong person and some of the things I can do are pretty cool. Sometimes I'm amazed what I've done despite my problems and for that I'm very proud of myself, but it makes me so angry to realize what I could be doing if I weren't so bogged down by my own mind. I feel so broken that I can't just do things like other people. People I have no respect for drive their cars and go to their day jobs and talk to the people around them like it's nothing, yet to me these things are sometimes as difficult and unnatural as ripping my own fingernails out. It can be pretty hard to keep up my sense of self worth in the face of that. It's so hard sometimes not to say screw it, and drink or drug myself into enough of a stupor to just not care. Sometimes I wonder if I could get myself to not care for just long enough, whether I could break myself out of some of my phobias. Somehow though I don’t see getting stoned and driving around until I don't have an "other people driving into me" phobia (for example) as a very viable option.

So yeah, it's been less then puppies and sunflowers. My best friend went through a really bad patch recently, and she and I were talking about what she can do for support during this time. We talked about communities and it dawned on my that maybe I should take a bit of my own advice.

So, well, here I am. *waves shyly* Hi!

Current Mood: twitchy
Monday, April 11th, 2005
4:59 pm
hey everyone.. i came across this community & i'm really glad.
i'm 17 & i've been dealing with anxiety my whole life..
about 2 years ago i started trying medicine for it..
i tried paxil then went to zoloft. in a years time,
i gained over 40 pounds! ughh. so i stopped taking them because clearly they made me even more unhappy.
i'm still coping with it, some days are better than others. but it gets tough in school & when it comes to driving.. i get so anxious when i'm driving and cant drive places too far. does anyone else have this problem?
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